Celebrate joy!

August 6 "O baka naman positive pa ko sa Covid niyan ha..." I jokingly told Dennis before I had my swab test last week. We just finished my ultrasound for the nth time to see if I still need to undergo raspa and was given a deadline by my OB that if by the following week there would still be remaining products of conception, then I need to go through raspa... I was already sad with that news so imagine how shocked I was when the swab results came out and I found out that, on top of everything we were dealing with, I was indeed covid positive.

AUGUST 7 I haven't really gathered my thoughts enough for this post to sound coherent, but hey who says you have to wait for that eureka moment before writing down what's in your heart, right? Maybe I will just keep this under my personal file... forever saved under the drafts folder for my eyes only to look back on what happened years from now... It's August 7 today and well, I hope I can say all is finally well and my body has fully recovered, but that's not what happened. So no, I am not yet OKAY.

  Seas Waves will rock our boats Winds will threaten our sails Currents will try to pull our anchors offshore But come and see Take a closer look There’s someone in the boat with you He is unafraid He is in control He is holding your hand “Fear not, I AM here. I've got this.”

  July 20 We're still waiting for the baby to come out naturally. But honestly, all this waiting is good for the soul. Although there is that part of me that wants it to happen already so I can start recovering physically... like I want to move forward somehow the soonest time possible. But maybe that's why we are still here, in the waiting...  because so much more is accomplished when we quiet our souls. A week before we received the news that our baby is gone, God showed me a picture of a man sitting on a big rock with sheep at his feet. He had his back on me but he looks like a shepherd, overlooking the vast field, at peace, resting, unhurried... I immediately felt it was David.  I was asking God for career direction at that time and that was the picture He gave me. I thought I was still pregnant at that time, little did I know that the baby in my tummy was already gone.  Hmm... what does that mean? I was only looking for an answer regarding my career but apparent...

JULY 12 It was our 2nd ultrasound at 8 weeks and the line of questioning of the sonologist indicated that something was wrong. "Bakit pinaulit yung ultrasound?" "Hindi ka ba nagspospotting?" "Your doctor will be the one to explain it to you ha, ma'am." Something was also missing on the monitor. A blinking dot and a number of 100+ bps. I had been pregnant before so I knew when something was amiss.

The word “languishing” was recently posted by New York Times to give a name to what so many people are feeling these days and I associate it with a dismal feeling of waiting and numbness to what's happening around you. ...and I guess that was what I was feeling for the most part of last year. Yes, there were wins but there was also that feeling of being lost and wondering far too many times gaano-katagal-ba-tayong-ganito? Hello, curveball! Last year was the biggest curveball we have probably ever had to catch in our lifetime… and if you were to ask me how I was by the end of last year, I would tell you that I’m okay. Just okay. Because there are still a lot of questions left unanswered in my head.  When I stepped down from working in the church full-time, I knew I said yes to God, but  I haven’t seen things come full circle even after several months had passed. It hasn't made sense YET. It was only the beginning of this year, that the fragments of last year slowly came togethe...

If you met Dennis and I, then you know how different we are from each other. Our upbringing, our backgrounds, our likes, but one thing stays central and core: Jesus. ...and that really is all you need to have in common before entering a marriage. Correct? Not really. While Dennis and I both love the outdoors, he likes the mountains while I like the beach. He is Bisaya (born in Bukidnon) while I am a Fil-Chi from Manila. Other factors also play a part. I think if you're a Christian and you're rooting for two of your friends in the church, you are bound to hear one party say "Hmm, friend lang talaga tingin ko sakanya eh." "No, I don't see her THAT way..." Dibaaaa... so it means, we are also looking for other qualities aside from the person being a Christian and this is not something to be shy about because this is valid.  Other things play a part and you don't have to belittle these things because also looking at these factors makes marriage smoother...

 . ..and just like that, our baby is already 1-year old! Huhuhuhu! Too fast, my love! Thankfully (and maybe stubbornly lol), we got to celebrate her birthday last January 16 outside. Whoohoooo! We invited a few fam and friends to mark this milestone with us, and we are super grateful to each one who made her birthday special.  Siyempre pati host, stylists, program team mga talented ninangs nalang din! Para hindi na dumagdag sa headcount because we can only squeeze in so many people with the social distancing rule. So tayu tayo nalang talaga to haha! So here are photos of that special day!