The word “languishing” was recently posted by New York Times to give a name to what so many people are feeling these days and I associate it with a dismal feeling of waiting and numbness to what's happening around you.
...and I guess that was what I was feeling for the most part of last year. Yes, there were wins but there was also that feeling of being lost and wondering far too many times gaano-katagal-ba-tayong-ganito?
Hello, curveball!
Last year was the biggest curveball we have probably ever had to catch in our lifetime… and if you were to ask me how I was by the end of last year, I would tell you that I’m okay. Just okay. Because there are still a lot of questions left unanswered in my head.
When I stepped down from working in the church full-time, I knew I said yes to God, but I haven’t seen things come full circle even after several months had passed.
It hasn't made sense YET.
It was only the beginning of this year, that the fragments of last year slowly came together and I started to see how God has been orchestrating circumstances and events behind the scenes.
Being a business graduate with a marketing track, I have always loved marketing and that was my experience for the most part of my career – marketing plus sales. I really like sales, I think that’s the Intsik side of me kicking in, I like growing a business and helping a company profit by selling.
Then I worked in the church for 5 years. And although there are so many skills involved in being a staff of a church, it’s not exactly something you can put on your CV.
CV Problems for a Full-time church worker
How do you explain in your resume that you actually manage people, that you encourage volunteers to serve a common cause with you, and to ingrain in them the whatever-it-takes attitude that so many companies these days take years building?
How do say that you actually run events from a plated anniversary luncheon with government officials to annual summer camps complete with the much-anticipated water gun fight of kids and dads, to the smartest race planned from scratch that is a combination of amazing race, fear factor, and survivor, to elementary outreaches to teach kids crafts, stories, and values?
Where do you type the many lessons you learned for those 5 years that involved not just getting the job done but building your character and building relationships that matter long after you resigned from the job?
So, I was that girl staring at the large chunk of space between my 2015 job at a bancassurance company as a marketing manager to my 2020 unemployed status.
I really didn’t know what to write and where to begin.
It was a blinking cursor I contemplated on just leaving blank because a marketing manager in 2015 then I’ll put church admin staff for 5 years? What will that look like for potential employers? Will that look good? Will that be enticing enough for me to get a callback?
Sometimes Peace is All You’ve Got
But I remember God’s voice to me last year when we had to make the decision whether to stay or to go – “It is me who called you to be in full-time, and it is also me who will say when it’s time’s up.”
It is God’s voice and with it, is the peace surrounding that decision so I will stick it out:
“And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:7
So I started applying... I really wanted to get back on my marketing track but I was actually applying even to non-marketing-related posts. So alam mo na, kahit na alam mo andyan naman si God, I still tried to cover all bases para safe… sigurista padin.
The first rejection I had was from a company that I was 99% sure was going to hire me. I remember tears falling down my cheeks when I received the email and Dennis-- half-amused and half-empathetic for me--saying “first time mo ba ma-reject?” Obviously, I haven’t been in the corporate rat race for a while so parang first time na naman lahat! Haha! Pati pag-update ng resume, A for effort!
But the rejections that came afterward were much better (insert Regine Velasquez's "you made me stronger by breaking my heart..." song here) and I began to just shrug off one rejection after another.
And so by August, while I was still applying for companies to take me in, I was referred to a job I didn’t even apply for by someone I know and trust. So sige try natin, wala naman mawawala.
And extra brownie points because it was a social media post-digital marketing which was really what I wanted all along! I have been meaning to get a short course on it a few years back to upgrade what I know about marketing but never got around to it. And guess what? I got the job!
Minsan pag gumawa si Lord ng way, hindi mo talaga way eh. Hindi pala minsan, kadalasan.
Coming Full Circle
It was also then that I started getting back to teaching writing and conducting workshops for kids and adults.
These are all public workshops but then it was through these workshops that people started approaching me to be a writing coach, which was not even on my radar because I didn’t think I would be qualified to be one… but when I said yes to the opportunity, and that was when I realize that I actually really enjoy this because I like developing people (one of my top 5 strengths) so it also made me rediscover my strengths and at the same time, I get to write which has always been one of my great passions in life.
So this year is the year that things are coming full circle and I am amazed at how God moves through it all.
It was then that I realized that there may be more like me left grappling in the dark during a global pandemic and feeling that they're way off track to what they wanted to do.
But I want to encourage you that no matter off-tangent you may be feeling right now, God is positioning people, circumstances, and events to position you back to where He wants you to be.
All your experiences, everything that you have learned and become for the x number of years of existence -- all are working together for the good and you have to believe and trust God for that. (Romans 8:28)
Nothing is wasted when God takes control.
Not even these languishing days that stretch before us ;)
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