Sunday reflections

Have you ever had days when you wonder, "what happened to my old self?" I am having one of those lately. 

Yikes! Warning: A little coming-of-age/reflections of a 25-year old post vibe right here.

In one of Shauna Niequist blog posts, she wrote: 

At the Lodge, I found a vision for my future that I had almost lost sight of along the way, in the rush of deadlines and babies that don’t sleep and the push to go and achieve and prove.  At my core, at my best, I’m silly and warm, able to make people feel comfortable and safe. At my best, I laugh loud and jump into cold water and listen closely. But we almost lost that girl, lost her to a to-do list and what seemed like an endless and inevitable cycle of doing more and more and more so that I’d be invited to do more and more and more. 

We’re done with all that. I want to be that girl again—present and warm and grace-soaked, silly and light-hearted, whole-hearted, full-hearted.

That particular last line resonated to me the most. And I browsed thru my old entries at LJ and almost 3 years ago, I wrote:

Since it's Sunday, here's a little nugget of thought that I came across an hour ago...
"When love is in the mix, God is not far away." 

This week, something hit me. While I was analyzing spreadsheets in front of me at work, or coating cheesecake balls with melted chocolate, my mind was just too preoccupied with things other than God. My mind was occupied with other people, with the expenses entailed to my new pasttime. But there will be those brief moments of gratitude, of being in the moment... of being at peace and thankful. And I want to stay in that moment. Of not being bothered by the past, or worried about the future. Of just being perfectly still in the now... 

It's not about being in a perfect place where everything's great... But being at peace with what happened and being patient enough to let God work in you and your life.  

I hope I can have that sense of "other-ness", as my philo class taught me. A sense that there is something greater and higher at work, and I want to be centered on other people. That the world is not all about you and that the world can do what little help you can extend. Harnessing that kind of disposition can be a feat but it's not impossible. 

I felt sad after reading it because I feel like I have lost that sense of positivity and warmth along the way. I was really idealistic back then. It's just kind of sad when you lose what you know are good things to be and to have...

I want to be that girl again, bright-eyed, God-focused, with a sense of other-ness...

I want to be that girl again—present and warm and grace-soaked, silly and light-hearted, whole-hearted, full-hearted.

I don't know how to end this post, honestly. But I am sure that Shauna has a better resolution, do read her full blog post here. I hope it also reveals something in your heart as it did to mine. :)

A blessed Sunday ahead!