When a Mommy Screws Up

Just the other day, I had the greatest scare since Sophia was born. She was standing inside the crib, trying to balance herself using one hand, when she slipped and hit the back of her head against the wall where the crib was leaning on. 

I made two mistakes that night: (1) I didn't see that the crib was rammed against the wall (there is supposed to be a gap between the crib and the wall to avoid these types of accidents) and (2) I was holding my phone on one hand, taking a video of her because I wanted to show my parents that their little Sophia can already stand with one hand all on her own.

Everything happened so fast. One second she was holding on to the rails of the crib and the next second, she was falling backward, and a loud thud vibrated against the room. It was so loud that Dennis was shouting "Babe, babe!! Babe!" and immediately rushed to the crib.

I threw my phone on the bed then saw Sophia's face. She first looked at me blankly, then as if realizing that something hurts and something hit her, she wailed. It was a loud cry that made my heart pound even faster. Then I scooped her up from the crib, and Dennis immediately took her from me and checked her head. 

There was no blood, whew! No cuts, whew! But I remembered that this is actually more cause for alarm -- because there is a possibility of internal hemorrhage. 

See how everything escalates inside a mom's brain in panic? In a matter of few seconds, I was fear-stricken, worried, relieved then scared again. 

But after several seconds, Sophia stopped crying. It was as if nothing happened. We have always attributed her to being brave but at that time, we wanted her to tell us if something hurts and crying would give us that signal.

And so we laid our hands against her head and prayed for her. We prayed that she would be cleared of vomiting and other symptoms for the next 2 days.

She slept on our bed that night and the next night... actually until now, so we can monitor her. And guess what? There really was nothing. 

It was as if nothing happened.

There was not even a bump or redness in the spot where she hit her head.

How in the world did that happen? We knew that she hit her head hard because even her Ate Ayang who takes care of her, rushed inside our room because of the loud bang.

We could only credit it to God and His miracle. He has protected her before and He would do it again. And again. And again.

It was then that I realize how as a parent, I really cannot parent my child alone. And just to say that I am already uber protective of her as it is. Dennis would even tease me that I am the No-No-No Mommy who is the strict one and he is the fun one. May point siya but even with my motherly instinct to protect, I still fell short and would continue to fall short.

I need help and I need God's guidance. Of course, I know this before, or I say I know it but not really knowing it until your child hits her head, you know? Haha!

But realizing how limited I am as a parent, made me see how limitless God is. It was that moment of just praying to God to keep Sophia safe that I really cannot do anything anymore, that made me look to the One who can do something.

If you're a mom and if you feel inadequate, that is perfectly fine because guess what, we all are. But when we look to the limitless God in the midst of our inadequacies, then we can be at peace in our imperfections and rest on His grace and strength every day. Being a parent is a tough job and we are not meant to do it alone.

Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

And as I am typing this, I realize that this is not the first time that I had to give it to God because it is all in His hands, like my birthing story, remember that? And my dad's cancer back in 2016... 

God has done it and He will do it again.

Do you still believe this? I hope you do too, and I am reminded of how easy it is to believe that when I see Sophia smiling at us and standing one-handedly inside the crib as if she has not a care in the world. Don't worry, the crib is already inches away from the wall this time. :P

That was a close one! Thank you, God, for protecting my cute head!